SOLD | Shells of Illusion | Original Painting | Framed

A Challenging Deep Depression

This is an image that flashed into my mind’s eye right before I fell asleep on a "hard" night, it surely matched my mood.

The winter of 2022-23 was a challenging time. I was like a snake shedding its skin, I'd been forced to stop identifying with so many things I thought made me who I am.

To be clearer, I tore my hamstring Nov 30th 2022 and proceeded to tear the other hamstring on March 11th 2024.

Not being able to walk, sit, or stand, worse; not being able to do my art without pain (even sleeping was a challenge) led me into deep depression.

My usually happy moments of expressing myself through dancing, sexually, or getting out in nature weren’t a possibility. I was forced to shed one of my biggest physical identities; skiing. I used to be a ski bum and a hard-core skier, living at the base of a ski resort and used to going out skiing almost daily.

Therefore, with the lack of exercise and my dearly loved hobbies (plus the anti-inflammatories I was on) I got very depressed (I have delt with mental stuff for years, but this was a hard blow).

I spent more time than ever in my life praying and meditating which led me into even more depression as I lost sight of who I AM and searched for answers to my deepest questions. I was desperately looking for Inner Peace and True Soul Happiness; for God.

These things are not so tangible! So, I became very confused. I've been searching for these my whole life and this injury inflamed my soul’s desperate search!

I did find the Truth in Silence. However, I also lost myself in many questions. On the other side of it I find I know an inner peace like never before.

In the moment it is scary there in the dark. Many, many things on many subjects of my life were processed during this time.

I'm sure there's more to process, so much more to let go of. But my soul is more free and that's what I kept holding on to as the winter months passed.

Perhaps our true identity is not so tangible after all.

Breaking Open False Identities

This piece, "Shells of Illusion" is about digging into your core and breaking open the false identities that we have grown to identify with. Allowing for truth to seep into the cracks and lead us to our innate power.

This is something that rings especially true for me as I have been wrestling with my idea of what my spiritual foundation is. Believe it or not, this is actually a good thing. It's good to examine our hearts.
How can we find that centered grounded place? One that resonates on such a level that we are drawn up to its magic.
A good starting point is striping away the illusions that blind us and making space to see. 

This piece was something I created at one of the darkest times in my life, it was one of the first pieces I was able to create as I got back into painting after not doing so for some time. not only because my body wouldn't let me, but also because of the deep darkness I had zero motivation.

Regardless of the fact that it was born in a dark place it holds a lot of power and beautiful reminders of freedom and light.